Yesterday during clinicals I was asked out for a drink.  Sounds benign and boring doesn't it? Big whoop, you were asked for a drink.  What's the big deal you ask? Said asker is a classmate of mine....(wait for it)....who is (wait....) 21 YEARS OLD!  He admitted to a crush after meeting in a radiation safety class a year and a half ago!  You very much could have knocked me over with a feather! talk about a great ego boost, just was the doctor ordered!  You're dying to know what I said aren't you? As my mama didn't raise no foo', I said yes and went out for drinks.  It was nice and he was positively adorable.  Oh yeah, and HOT.  He knows my age and the kid situation.  Perhaps he has an older woman fetish, perhaps this is some sort of check in the box, but really, who cares? hot young pup LIKES me.  Gads you'd think I was in the 3rd grade. 

 

If I look at this honestly, I would have to say my neglected self-esteem needed the big hefty boost the pup gave me.  Aren't I allowed a bit of an indulgence after the crushing? Isn't a pup much better than eating a pie? from my point of view I'm going to have to say yes!!  Yippee for me!

It WILL be okay.  I WILL be okay.  I am not a troll. I am interesting. I am smart.  I am a GREAT mother.  I am worthy.  Your attitude does not control who I am.  Your lack of feelings for me does not define me.  I am amazing and you will be sorry.

 

Mood: black with a putrid discharge

 

I'm up crazy late or crazy early depending on your point of view.  I went out last night  (this night) and drank way too much.  Went out with David, a previous boy in my life, he's dating someone but is currently "on a break" whatever that means, we went and had many drinks and the sushi.  Yummy sushi.  He conked out around 10:30 this evening.  I almost went home, but as the kid was having a sleep over at a friends house, I figured I should take advantage and actually stay out past my bedtime.  I called my friend Alletta and Rob. We all three went out, drank too much and had a great time.  I'm glad I stayed out.  Now I'm trying crazy hard not to call the boy.   Drunk dialing an ex is never advisable............no matter how many drinks you've had, right?

I'm tired of the rain.  My lawn looks like cows have been wallowing in it  Unfortunately too wet and too cold to mow.  Over Easter my dad raked the front yard for me so I could mow.  There are 2 icky poky sweet gum (gumball)trees in the front yard.  I haven't figured out why people plant them.  In the winter after all of the leaves and ugly spiky balls have fallen off they look witchy.  In the spring they grow these sneezy bundles of pollen. We call them pollen trees.  For 3 seasons out of four I have to rake because of these spawn of satan trees.  I suppose the best season is summer after I've raked everything and they provide shade.  But there isn't any walking around the front yard barefooted because you'll get the foot poking of your life from the midevil gumballs.  Also no running because if even ONE gumball is left and you find it, you're going down with a broken ankle.  These trees are still here because it is expensive to have 2 very large trees murdered and again, the darn lovely summer shade.  How many calories are burned from raking?

 

Cow wallow in the back yard.....

I'm having a tough time with this Matt thing.  He's my ex-husband.  He decided around 2003 he no longer loved me, but gosh! he liked me but that wasn't enough for him to stay married.  Divorce and mayhem ensued.  The kid and I moved to Mighty Mizzou where we started a brand spankin' new life.  Where I also adopted the mantra "you can only control yourself".  The D was very tough on me, but that's history.  Fastforward to last summer when he comes to me and says "I want to make this work, I will do anything, I know we can do this".  Like a fool I believed he meant all of those words.  Less than a week after we get back from spring break (a measly 6 months after he'd do anything) he decides "its not working" for him and "while he likes me he just doesn't Love me, you know?" What happened to doing whatever it takes? and mainly what happened to "if we tell the kid, it is a done deal".  It's hard to believe but this is worse than the first time he left.  I can only control myself.  And apparently not a dog either, I came home from clinicals and the evil yellow dog ate the rest of the kid's Easter candy.  Today, for me, boys are stupid. Happy Friday the 13th.  When does the guy with the knife come around?

 

Skiing pix: the kid is a natural.  Matt, the kid and Matt's dad (oh, yeah, he had me go on vacation with his parents the week before we broke up.  Like we were going to get back together and be a family. $&^$@!)

I was the best pet mom ever and let the dogs take me for a drag today despite the lack of warmth outside which was promised.  I will say since it has been a while since being dragged about (or is it drug?), it was not so much fun.  Cesar would have had a fit.  When walking the 3 hounds it is a full body workout.  My legs/feet/hips are killing me in addition to the upper arm/shoulder work out from holding them back.  I like feeling sore after a long hilly walkies. 

 

On to the physics...had my last phys II exam this evening.  Didn't go nearly as bad I as I thought, but that could be the apple-bee-tini I had with dinner.  I will say I had zero clue how to figure the amount of photons emitted from from a light source with the power given in watts and a wave length.  I guess I should know that in case my life depends on it some time. 

 

Feet: sore with blisters

mood: moderate to light blues (damn boy)

tv: Futurama

on the bed: 2 dogs, 1 cat and me
calories today: 1300 not including the apple-bee-tini

The kid found all of her Easter eggs, as all quality egg huntin' kids do.  Yummy peanut butter egg, marshmallow chick, nerds/taffy filled eggs.  Sounds like kid heaven right? It was...until we had to leave the house. 

Me: Make sure you put your eggs where the dogs can't get them

kid: No prob, I'll even close my door

Off we go to the store and home again.  The kid goes off into her room again to count the Easter booty.

Me: PIE? (the kid moniker)

kid: mmhmmh

Me: What's wrong? are you crying?

kid sobbing: The dogs ate all of my candy!

Me: Huh?!

What happened, the darn devil yellow dog gently opened each and every egg and ate the contents. Some of the eggs had been prefilled with the plastic seal around them.  You know the plastic I'm talking about? the one requiring an act of congress and a blow torch to remove? Well the devil yellow dog somehow got all of the wrappers off in one piece and all eggs ever so gently opened.  He did of course eat all candy wrappings.  Thankfully the kid greatly dislikes chocolate, so all candy was chocolate free.  Interestingly, turns out he isn't so fond of the nerds, he left a few closed eggs with nerds in them. Either that or we came home before he could dispatch them to the gut of dog.  I was impressed no eggs were broken in his gluttonous Easter feast.  Big jerk dog.

Tonight while getting into my knitting (Twisted Sisters Gilda), I decided to watch a bit of the ol' TV (in COLOR!).  Well, lookie what's on: Castaway.  I liked this movie, but I had forgotten how it utterly destroys me.  In the same way as when Jo and Laurie don't end up together in Little Women.  The exact SAME feelings of a massive weight on my chest, hard to breathe, horrible ugly sobby tears.  This silly movie and wonderful book both cause a deep black hole in my mood.  When Helen Hunt says that Tom is the love of her life, my head instantly hurts with the force of my tears.  Indentically when Laurie tells Jo he married Amy.   Most people after reading Little Women cry when Beth dies, don't get me wrong Beth's death was sad and all, but Laurie and Jo were tragic.  It appears I may be a sap.  An out and out hearts and flowers, happily ever after romantic.  Is there a support group to overcome such a disgusting affliction?  

 

Gilda on the needles....I have a very short attention span when it comes to knitting, I do well with dishclothes and scarves.  Maybe when I finish school I'll get better...(snort).

He did it to me again.  What is it about me that says "tell her lies about desperately wanting to be back with her then leave her as soon as she falls for it"? Is it the large red "SUCKER" sign on my head? boys can be stupid.  I'm hurt and most especially angry.  Angry he would do this to the me and very mostly the kid.  Sure I'm an adult and I'll get over it, but she's just a kid and didn't deserve her hopes getting crushed.  You're a jerk Matt, a complete knee-biter.